Am I Just a Square?

me and a regular slice

Today I really went for it. After dozens of visits, I finally tried a “regular” slice at L&B Spumoni Gardens. Over the course of my pizza-eating life, a “regular” slice has always been considered the standard. But that’s not the case at L&B. In this topsy-turvy sector of Brooklyn, pizza doesn’t abide by any “rules.” Here, the square slice (Sicilian) is head honcho. And get this, they go so far as to put the mozzarella underneath the sauce! It may sound crazy, but it tastes delicious.

Of all the times I’ve stopped in for a slice at L&B, I don’t think I’ve even considered getting a wedge. It never made sense. Just look around: the counter is dressed with a line of cheesed and sauced crusts, patiently awaiting their final bake. Dozens of rack slots are filled with square pies that will be consumed as the day passes. In the beautiful outdoor seating area, not a single little league player sports a wedge on their paper plate. Either L&B’s Sicilian is so good nobody ever bothers with the “regular,” or the latter is abysmal. No better day than today to solve this age-old riddle.

All it took were three words.

“One regular slice.”

And then four more.

“… and four squares, please.”

The deal was done. I felt like I was about to cross the streams. When I sat down, I examined the slice. Everything seemed to be in order. The underside had some nice variation and the cheese-to-sauce ratio seemed about right. I took a bite. Then another. Then another. It wasn’t half bad! But it also wasn’t remarkable. The crust was wimpy and the sauce wasn’t working for me in this context. Everything about the square that seemed to defy logic just worked perfectly, but the wedge had no such quirks. It can only be described as “average.” I feel sorry for the wedge. It must get lonely being the round pie at L&B. Squares have so many friends and fans. Every photo and report about L&B speaks of the beloved square. Not the case for old wedge, who is considered king everywhere but here. In this small outpost in Brooklyn, the square rules the roost.

What to do with the anonymous triangle? Do I feel so bad for it that I let it split the rent with my square slice? Should I fluff its ego by raving about it to friends and family? Probably not. I can’t say I’ll ever try it again, but at least I won’t lost any more sleep over the mystery of the wedge at L&B.


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